By Greg Budell
A lot of us go around believing absolute crap.
AOL (I am the only human still using them) recently offered subscribers 7 popular myths about life and everyday living, and exploded them with expert testimony. Since everyone reading this is not AOL subscribers, I am “Reader’s Digesting” these myths for you, accompanied by my personal research on the subjects at hand.
Myth #1: Human shampoos can kill your dog!
An expert NYC veterinarian stated flatly that 80% of human shampoos should have no adverse effect on our ‘babies’. If poochy-pie is allergic to a hair cleanser designed for humans, you may observe excessive scratching or labored breathing, but they are not deadly.
MY TAKE- I have been using a shampoo designed for horses called Mane ’N Tail for 12 years. At 50+, my hair remains predominantly its original color, with no hairline recession whatsoever. You must try this remarkable product, because even today, I could grow hair right down to my feedbag. It’s available at Wal-Mart and other fine stores. Try it on your dog, too. Shampoo your cat at your own risk.
Myth #2- Women need to wear shoes matching their handbag.
A NYC fashion expert, Stacy Mayesh, said “No one will notice if your shoes aren’t the same shade of beige as your purse, but their colors and looks should be complementary.
MY TAKE- Women watch other women for these fashion offenses. I only care how the shoes look when they’re kicked off in a maelstrom of uncontrolled passion.
Myth #3- The lifespan of laundry you forgot to dry is 2 hours…
This myth addressed something that, as a bachelor, I have wrestled with many times. Linda Ottusch, home economist at the Whirlpool Institute of Fabric Science, says you can leave a load of laundry in the machine overnight for up to 12 hours before freshly washed clothes begin to turn stale. Deadly mildew can develop, especially in a humid climate, and if left long enough, can “freckle” the clothing. If your Nehru jacket comes out with spots, re-soak it along with your parachute pants in warm water and a capful of detergent.
MY TAKE- Many times I have gone to do laundry and opened the lid to find I’d done a load three days previous and forgot to put it in the dryer. After 72 hours, the freckles become birthmarks and are impossible to remove. Homicide detectives come across more pleasant aromas.
Myth #4- One must drink red wine with fish and white wine with steak.
Ray Isle, managing editor of Wine and Spirits, said careful selection is the key. Drink whatever you want but choose a vintage that will not overpower the entrée.
MY TAKE- The last wine I drank was a $6 gallon bottle of something from Winn-Dixie. I found it extremely compatible with a bag of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish. It not only made me nauseous, I had a grotesque orange stain on my lips and considerable “crumbage” in bed.
Myth #5- Poor light will worsen vision.
New York University ophthalmology professor Robert Cykiert put it this way- “It’s a total misconception. Reading in dim light is like sniffing a hard to smell faint odor.” He went on to say that you simply work harder to read and tire more quickly, but it will not damage your eyesight.
MY TAKE- Several months ago I got out of bed clumsily and knocked over my glass-topped circular nightstand and shattered it, and my lamp. I replaced the glass top with a large Rubbermaid tub lid and plugged in a wad of white Italian holiday lights, placing them on my chest while reading the newspaper at 5AM. Until I get off my lazy behind and get a new top for the nightstand, it works just fine and I can see just as poorly as ever.
MYTH #6- Going outside with wet hair will lead to a nasty cold, pneumonia and eventually death.
Augusta, Georgia pediatrician Michelle Brenner says its total BS, claiming the only link to a cold is catching a virus from a carrier. Your only risk is freezing your hair.
MY TAKE- If you make a wintertime trip up north, leaving moisture in your hair on a freezing day is an excellent way to preserve your hairstyle all day long. When it’s chilly here, an insulating mousse like “Mega Bedhead” works just fine.
MYTH #7- Taking over-the-counter medication after the expiration date is a death risk.
The Food and Drug administration admits that expiration dates on aspirin, Tylenol and similar meds are merely a suggestion. There is no danger in taking aspirin purchased in 1984.
MY TAKE- As long as we’re talking expiration dates, my personal research has provided information worth sharing. For example, milk can be left out for 6 to 8 hours without going bad. If you keep a cold setting in your refrigerator it should last 3 to 4 days past said expiration day. I like soft butter so I keep a stick on the counter for days with no spoilage. I just hate ripping up my toast with stubborn, unyielding butter.
On that note, margarine can be stored in the trunk of your car. Developed in WWII, margarine has properties similar to motor oil and cannot be spoiled. I rarely use margarine because butter is always better for cooking or baking.
Besides, Mobil One and jelly tastes lousy on toast.
Greg Budell lives in Montgomery with his wife, children and dogs. He’s a 25 year veteran of radio who hosts the Greg & Susan morning show 6-9 am and Happy Hour 3-6 pm on NEWSTALK 93.1, Greg can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
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