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DATING Coach: Is religion an issue for a 50-plus relationship?

Dear Lisa,

How much should a common religion factor into identifying and ensuring a long term relationship? (After all, one’s religion lasts a lifetime and can also be community-involvement that fosters an LTR (long term relationship), right?)

_Fred

 

Fred,

I’m so happy to hear from a male member of our community. You ask a great question. When it comes to religious differences and how they will affect a relationship, a lot is dependent on the role your particular religion plays in each of your lives. If you are actively involved in your church or synagogue and this type of community is important to you, then you’ll probably want a committed partner who shares similar religious values. If you are spiritual but not religious, you’ll probably want someone in your life who will share this type of belief system. That being said, relationships involving two different religions can work as long as the two of you are accepting of your differences, supportive when your partner asks you to be and non-judgmental about any aspect of their religious or spiritual beliefs.

 


Dear Lisa,

I’ve been divorced for six months. And the only interest I have gotten from men is from creepy and/or much older men. And those have just been on dating sites. I go to church occasionally but other than that there is not much in the way of meeting someone nice to just go on a date with where I live. I’m attractive, smart, funny with a few extra pounds but I’ve “ still got it.” I just don’t get it and feel sad miserable and lonely most of the time. I really don’t have extra money for self help at the moment. I sometimes feel like trying to get back with my ex-husband just so I won’t be alone. I know there are good men out there, who aren’t just looking for sex, but I’m losing hope fast. I suffer from depression and I have MS. Needless to say I’m not enjoying my life. I’d rather be at work than come home to spend yet another night alone.

_Jennifer

 

Jennifer,

The first thing I would suggest is to stop dating for a bit and start creating a single life you love. Take classes, go to meet-ups in your area, and ask your friends if they know other single women and head to dinner or movies with them. You want to create a single life you love. The passion this creates makes you both attractive and interesting to a man. And when you’re living the fun life you’ve created, you are in the position of wanting a man … not needing a man in your life. Your energy shows up totally differently in each of these situations.

When you need a man, your energy comes across as desperation. Men sense this and back away. On the other hand, when you want a man, you come across as relaxed, which draws men towards you and allows you to have far more choices in your life. As for going back with your ex, ask yourself if whatever bothered you in the first place has changed between the two of you. If it has, it might be worth a try. If nothing has changed, you’ll want to decide what will make you happier … going back to a relationship that wasn’t working for you or creating a single life that could be fun. Good luck with this!

 


Dear Lisa,

I’m a mid 40s, never married woman, no kids, in pretty good shape (not overweight) with nice hair and a good personality. I’d like to meet a great guy around age 50, (not concerned with appearances myself, but with character and personality), but am concerned as I have a chronic skin disorder. I’m afraid to date, as I’ve read and heard that men of all ages are visual first and foremost and I’m thinking with my skin disorder (I can’t wear makeup as my skin is super sensitive, so it’s right there on my face front and center) I’ll be rejected from the get-go. I have been reading your blog and appreciate your intelligent and thoughtful responses to other reader questions, so would like to know what you think. Should I give dating a try or not? Thanks and best wishes,

_Katie

 

Katie,

Dating this type of situation is more challenging and requires persistence on your part, plus a willingness to put yourself into the dating world. It can feel really scary and it does put you in the position of being rejected for something you have no control over. That being said, it is possible to find a man who will love you. Women around the world have been burned, disfigured and disabled, and yet they have still found men who wanted a life with them.

The key is coming to a place of accepting yourself for who you are … exactly how you are. What you may not realize is that everyone has qualities they want to hide … theirs are just not as immediately visible like yours are.

Start by getting in touch with your very best you. Like every woman, you’ll need to feel and know what a great catch you are. Then if your dream is a relationship, and you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone, then go for it. I’d stay off of the dating sites. They are way too one dimensional with everyone choosing people based on pictures. Instead, consider getting involved in activities where men are as well. Volunteer, check out spiritual centers, go to meet ups and let your personality shine bright. Get to know people and let them get to know you. And remember, you want a man who will love you for you but … this starts from inside you first. I hope you’ll keep me posted on how you are doing.

 

Lisa Copeland, “The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!” Find out more at Findaqualityman.com
(c)2014, Lisa Copeland, findaqualityman.com
Distributed by MCT Information Services

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